For anyone who found this page on a hard day.
I know what it's like to feel like the way you were made was a mistake. At a time when I needed to be reassured and protected the most, the adults around me misinterpreted my feelings and rushed me down a path I was far too young to understand—before even they understood why I felt the way I did. It wasn't until I was older that I realized what I lost before I even had it.
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If your child or someone you love is struggling with the same distress, help is on the way. You do not have to give in to fear or lies or allow lifelong, irreversible decisions to be made, but your child does need your attention, boundaries, and for you to listen without mockery or panic. He or she may genuinely be in distress, even if he or she does not know how to deal with it. It is up to us, the adults in their lives, to show them we love them and listen carefully.
If you pay close attention, it will become clearer where these ideas may originate—whether from school, social media, mental health issues or disabilities, body image struggles, or simply the natural angst of puberty.
In the meanwhile, encourage them to take care of themselves and build their identity in a manner that does not overwhelmingly focus on gender. Chances are, your child may be spending much of their time on the internet—so help them unplug and make the real world bigger than social media.
Proper sleep, nutrition, exercise, sports, and physical hobbies help children build themselves and love their bodies—not out of vanity, but for what they are capable of. Encouraging development in their hobbies, skills, community building, and strengthening their relationships within the family and in their faith will help build a sense of purpose and belonging.
As a parent, you are called to be their greatest role model, and they are depending on you to be an example for them and to guard them from those who do not have their best interests in mind. When working with counselors, psychologists, or schools, make sure the adults surrounding them are not in a rush to alter their body or withhold secrets from you, but wish to help them live in the body they already have.
If you are a detransitioner or questioning transition, your story does not end here. Do not rush into stopping prescribed medications without proper help or supervision. Request and keep your medical records, and seek doctors who will provide sex-based, reality-informed care without jumping into quick, precarious decisions.
For me, the single most impactful part of my healing journey has been my faith. I've learned countless lessons, most importantly that I could not be the woman God has called me to be today without the experiences I've had, good or bad; that there is purpose in suffering; and, most importantly, that we are all whole through Christ, no matter what we have lost or continue to face.
That is the crux of my message—we are all human beings, beautifully made, yet helpless in our imperfection, with an inherent need to connect with one another and our Creator. In order to move forward in our own lives and to truly help the ones we love, we must always recognize the humanity in ourselves and those around us. So be a rock for those around you. Be unafraid in telling the truth in love, even when it may not always be easy. “Easy” no longer matters when the cost can be lifelong.